Dogs are dangourous.

Let me set the scene.

I was going for a ride on my bike like the dandy that I am, trying to avoid all the women that were running towards me trying to give me their numbers or at least to touch me or stroke my mutton chops. I went for a ride along the creek lands and turned around and started heading back after I got into town. I was almost home after I beat Lance Armstrong in a sprint, the wager of which was his entire personal fortune, minus his predisposition to cancer. WHEN ALL OF A SUDDEN, a dog came running towards to me, evidently attracted to my animal-like musk (that probably better explains all the women running toward me).

To take a more true stance in my storytelling, The dog was actually chasing a ball across the bike path.
I swerved to avoid it.
Clipped it.
And rolled onto the ground and high speed.

Fortunately my iPhone took the brunt of the impact on the ground. Hopefully the mark left by it will develop a bit more so I can get a better photo of it.



It might be a little easier to see if I wasn't so hairy a.k.a manly.
Also you should check out what my hand and jacket looked like after the accident.

As I gasped for air, my first reaction was to ask if the dog was alright. The owners seemed to be either stunned that I was alright or didn't really care that I fell. A few women that were sitting in their group didn't even bother to get up. Probably because their maternal extincts were, at some point, directed towards dogs rather than children. Although they didn't get up to check on the dog I hit either so maybe I am being harsh.

Bike culture

Since I learnt how to ride I've always had a bicycle. However, I'd end up riding heaps for a few weeks (after I got a new/used bike as a gift) and then stop after that. I think I rode to school a couple of times but it seemed to be pretty pointless seeing as my sister was being dropped off via car and I could just go with her.
It's not until I started my graphic design course at the TAFE in Armadillo that I become interested in bicycles again. It's a really short ride along flat ground AND on a bike path to get to TAFE from my homestead.
Unfortunately, the bike I was riding would be, if it was a car, a Ford Explorer. Meaning that it was pretty hard to ride with it's huge frame and nobbely tires (much like my dick).

I got lazy and stopped riding.

I then made a chance discovery at a Lifeline Store. An old road bike with markings that seemed to indicate it was Speedwell Flash 500 (I've never heard of the brand let alone the model but what I found out was that Speedwell was an Australian company that probably went under when we realized we could get bicycles cheaper if they were built by political prisoners in China).

You’ve already seen a photo of it if you are one of the 1000’s of people that follow my blog but I’ll put in another photo of it just in case.


That cost 35 dollars plus 85 dollars for new tires and tubes and chain lube.

A pretty good deal I think.

Another topic I wanted to write about was this strange culture that surrounds bikes that have fixed gears (I’ll explain what that means later.). It’s really not so much a culture that surrounds the bikes but just a culture that picked up the bikes as the new cool thing that units them. Please remember I am using the word “culture” in a loose context here, I’m not comparing them to the Athenians or anything.

Now, the subculture thing that has picked up this riding of fixed gear bikes are known as hipsters. Like any contemporary subculture (i.e. people that buy certain things) having well defined lines that separate you from other subcultures is not rad at all, someone would never describe themselves as a hipster they just would be. I think the best way to experience what they are is to either watch the TV series "Skins"or look at this photo.

That's pretty much it

I'm sure there is a snarky definition of what a hipster is on Urban Dictionary, but you can look it up yourself!

Anyway, to relate this back to bicycles and end the post.

The bike he is holding is pretty much what the first bikes were. 2 wheels on a frame with pedals that connected to the bake wheel with a chain. That's it.

Chances are you probably learnt to ride a bike like that when you were little. And all BMX bikes are like this. But I just don't understand why you'd want to use a bike like that. Sure if you bought a bike like mine for hardly anything and you wanted to take off all the gears and the brakes then that'd be fine. But like any good fad people have to pay, sometimes 1000s of dollars for bikes that are already like that.
These bikes still actually exist within the world of the squares and posers......as track racing bikes......in velodromes. Is it meant to be ironic that people ride them on the streets (in skinny jeans.......that probably cost 150 dollars). I suppose I should describe the riding mechanics of a track/fixed gear bike, at least as how I have come to understand it. The pedals will be moving constantly while you are in motion because it doesn't have a freewheel (The thing on a geared bike that clicks when you stop pedaling) You can't brake unless you use your feet. You also only have one gear ratio, so unless you live in a city that is really flat, it would be a pain in the butt to ride.

But then again, being a dork with brakes and gears sucks balls. I HATE MYSELF.

My new ride, bra

More updates to follow.....about my bike.

Moment of clarity

I should probably start off this post telling you about my usually Tuesday night trivia. I can't say I'm a huge fan of trivia (because I never know the answers to most questions) but it's mainly the extremely slick company that comes along with it that I keep returning for. Chances are the only people reading this are the people that go to trivia with me so they should all pad there egos a little because I said they were slick and also very sexy.
This particular trivia night, basically the one I just got home from, was even better because of two people that have just got back from lands afar.

My network connection just timed out. What does that even mean? Does it mean I've been using it too long? The reason I'm writing this and halting the flow of consciousness is because when I clicked the "okay" button to reconnect to the network it showed a little thinking animation and then almost immediately said "connection timed out" and then I clicked it again and again and again, each time it said "connection timed out" a split second after I had pressed the okay button. THEN I clicked okay again and it started the little thinking animation for about 10 seconds, then said "connection timed out". WHY?! Is it mocking me?! Why did it take 10 seconds to figure out that the connection was timed out that time, but the other times it took a couple of milliseconds. I got my hopes up when I saw that it was taking longer to think. "Oh good, it should work seeing as it is taking longer to....What?!" Anyway, I've probably written too much about this incident and I wouldn't be surprised If I'd lost some readers along the way. NO MATTER!

Back to the story.

Basically, the group that was there that night was pretty much my Dream Team of friends (Missing one, of course. You know who you are) and it was an all around fun night. We even came 4th in the actual trivia part of the night, which is almost unheard of. 10th is usually the high water mark for us.

I could go into more detail about the laughs we had and the other fun times but it would pretty much only appeal to the people that went and I'm trying to broaden my "oh so sweet" writing abilities (i.e. broaden the appeal to a wider audience).

After people started to leave and the beer began to wear off, a trio I had formed walked down to a fast food place to enjoy the fine dining in Armidale.
The trio then became mono when I decided to walk home by myself. To any reader that lives outside of Armidale or a small rural town it's very strange walking home at almost midnight. It's sort of what I'd really love the town to be like but in the daylight.

Devoid of anything

You hear the odd car traveling by but the route I took meant that it was always in the distance. I walk along a bicycle path that follows a creek. I was JUST about to call the creek ugly but it's actually really nice when you get to the parts that aren't full of shopping carts and rubbish. You can climb down into these secret passages that are formed by trees and grass and then people walking throw them. Sort of the same way ants will carve out a little path from them walking along a path going back to there hive.

The bike path was built along the creek, first because it cuts straight through the town and second because no one would build houses or businesses or iron smelts there because it's a area that gets flooded at least once or twice a year.

This walk along the bike path was one of the best walks of my life. Everything just felt good. That alone wasn't the reason for it being the best walk of my life. It was also a great time to think things out, I didn't make any new breakthroughs in what I ponder (How did we get from a rock that was an optimal distance from an optimally large ball of hydrogen to living in little squares, traveling and making pointless things out of said rock. Wait, does this astronomical fluke mean that it can't be and that there must be a easy to understand meaning......or is that logical fallacy...I think it is.....damn, it's dark walking along this bike path)

Another thought that I was churning through my brain drain was about a certain blog post that I didn't know was intended for me but found out that it was for me because a trivia friend explained it to me. That was a lame sentence, they probably all are, no mind.

I was complaining about ANOTHER blog that was just this strange pining for a boy. The boy is nothing special, I suppose. He's a douche, but it works for him.

Alone I wouldn't mind the pining, I would HAPPILY read a 1000 word essay about why him ignoring this blogger is awful and how it should be different. But the real thing that annoys me is WHERE this is being blogged from.

8 Million people within a 40 minute train ride. Are you waiting for them to come to you?

To some people this may not be making much sense, but the bold part wasn't meant for you!

Ha, this fantastic song from HMS Pinafore just came on and I'm singing along to it.

A British tar is a soaring soul
As free as a mountain bird
His energetic fist should be ready to resist
A dictatorial word
His nose should pant and his lip should curl
His cheeks should flame and his brow should furl
His bosom should heave and his heart should glow
And his fist be ever ready for a knock-down blow

His eyes should flash with an inborn fire
His brow with scorn be wrung
He never should bow down to a domineering frown
Or the tang of a tyrant tongue
His foot should stamp and his throat should growl
His hair should curl and his face should scowl
His eyes should flash and his breast protrude
And this should be his customary attitude

Oh god, timeless. But not really.

This blog was originally going to be me going "Why don't you do this? why don't you do that?"
but then I thought "Why don't YOU do that!?" and I decided "YES, I will do that!". So starting
tomorrow I shall start asking people to be interviewed by me for this blog. Writing that down,
It doesn't seem as exciting as when I first came up with the idea but the first impression is
usually the right one, so I'm going to run the pig skin into the end zone for a TOUCHDOWN.

As I was walking along my creeky bike path I decided I would start with my Graphic Design
classand see if anyone would be interested in talking to me and letting me record the
conversation and also my grandmother, who I KNOW will have some amazing stories.
After that I plan to just stand up in crowded areas and yell and tell people listen
(That sounds like a crazy plan but it's almost exactly the same as what politicians do).

After my walk I laid down in the middle of a football field and watched the stars.
Thinking about the night I had a shooting star streaked across the sky, the poetry
almost moved me to tears of joy, but I'm not a faggot, so I punched a kitten and went home.

Fire and heads

Fire and heads, originally uploaded by lukewratten.

Only decent photo of that night at the Armidale Club

Cool Maître d', originally uploaded by lukewratten.

Third time

I have a bricked Xbox 360 for the third time.
I hope to god they fix it for free like all the other times.
I've been bummed out lately about the fact that I suck at making girls jump my bones, so I thought....

"I know, I'll kill some cops on GTA 4 as revenge for them killing kangaroos in real life"

I get a 4 star wanted rating then BAM.

So, I sucked it up and went to the Xbox site and filled in the box that asks you to describe the problem with this.

"Third time! THIRD TIME! Started freezing in a very artsy mosaic of checkers then it red ringed on me. People still have Atari 2600s that work! My Nintendo 64 still works! Maybe I should not bother sending it in and just play some Mario Kart.
I'd be very appreciative if you could repair it for free like you did the other times. At least you can do that for me."